Eleven Things I Loved about The Dark Tower Movie (SO MANY SPOILERS)

SO- I don’t like high fantasy/science fiction.  I don’t like Stephen King (he’s a total perv).  BUT I just came home from my second time seeing The Dark Tower in the theater, and it was just as freaking amazing as the first time.  Here are eleven reasons why I love it (in no particular order):

1       1. It Drops You Right Into The Action

     It’s been a joke in Hollywood that studios always want to dumb things down for you.  If this were one of those movies, the action would have come to a screeching halt as they explained where the skin people came from.  Or where Walter got his powers.  Or why Roland is immune to Walter’s powers.  But they don’t explain any of that. You get just enough to know that Walter is the bad guy, Roland is the angsty good guy, and they have a history.  And it’s fantastic, because you always want to know more. Yeah, there are a few clunky pieces of expositional dialogue (like Roland's guns being made out of Excalibur) but they were so few and far between and the information was so cool that I really didn’t care.

2   2. The Length

       Guys, The Dark Tower is like 90 minutes long.  The past criticisms of recent adventure movies have always used the word “bloated.”  (See: The Hobbit, Kong: Skull Island, etc.)  Not so with this.  It is a great example of concise story telling (Unlike this post, which is the longest I've ever written).

3   3. The Gunslinger

Cowboys have a special place in my heart.  I swoon at heroes who are noble and kind, even when they are tired and jaded.  Good guys who are supernaturally good at some sort of fighting skill are beyond cool (bonus points if it’s shooting something- arrows, guns, magic laser beams, etc.).  Stick that guy in an awesome leather duster and have him played by the gorgeous and insanely talented Idris Elba, and that is my idea of a perfect hero.

4   4. The Man in Black

Heaven save me from bad guys with magic powers.  And bad guys who effortlessly subdue their enemies.  And bad guys who are waiting for you in your house, drinking tea or reading your magazines or making chicken for dinner.  Make that bad guy wear a fitted three piece suit, have him ooze charm, and show that he is having the time of his life, just like the gorgeous and insanely talented Matthew McConaughey, and that is my idea of a perfect villain.

5    5. Townspeople

In movies where all is lost, you have to have townspeople who haven’t given up hope.  They aren’t the protagonists, and their lives will never be as glamorous as the hero’s or fun as the villain's, and, let's be real, they are probably going to die, but they are an important part of the story.  They serve as an inspiration to the hero, and maybe inspiration to the audience as well.  Most of us won’t be incredibly awesome heroes or devilishly crazy villains (especially), but we can always keep up hope, kindness, and relief to those in need. (/end schmaltz)

6       6. Awesome Shooting

THAT SCENE.  That scene where all Roland does is take a deep breath and a few moments, then perfectly shoots the far-away bad guy without even blinking. Yeah, it's a scene that has been done in several movies and books.  Heck, even I’ve written a scene like that in one of my dumb short stories.  But it NEVER gets old and it’s always awesome.

7    7. Fish Out of Water

Fish out of water is a total trope, but it’s a fabulous one.  From Thor walking into a pet store and demanding a horse, to Wonder Woman seeing a baby for the first time, to Roland’s reaction to eating hot dogs (“Savages.  What breed?”), it’s always hilarious.  And Idris Elba nails it.

8   8. Dreams that Turn Out to be True

Didn’t you ever wish that your daydreams would come true?  Stories where that happens are probably my favorite.  This was no exception.

9    9. Roland and Jake’s Father/Son Relationship

When the jaded character finds he still has an instinct to protect the kid and it morphs into compassion, and when he starts to train the kid and comfort the kid and realize he really can care, it makes my heart want to burst.  P.S. Tom Taylor (the kid who played Jake) did a GREAT job.

1   10. The Gunslinger and Man in Black

Long-time nemeses are THE BEST.  It’s almost funny and definitely cool.  But that’s all I can say about that without writing a whole extra page.

1      11. IDRIS AND MATTHEW

Ohhhhhh Kayyyyy, this is cheating a little bit.  Obviously Idris Elba and Matthew McConaughey are amazing.  But their awesome banter on Twitter and their adorable Wired Interview kills me.  So yeah, maybe it's all part of publicity for the movie, but to me it seems like they had a lot of fun making the movie and even hanging out with each other, and thinking that makes the movie even better. Plus, as mentioned before, they are amazing.

So yeah.  I loved The Dark Tower.  I wish more people gave it a chance, but at the same time, it’s kind of fun that no one saw it- almost like this was a movie made just for me.  Now I'm counting down the days until the DVD comes out.

Answers to the Question "Why Aren't You Married Yet?"

Answers to the question “Why aren’t you married?”

I actually think this is a flattering question (so much better than "Oh yeah, I can see why you're single") but here are some better answers than "Haha, I wish I knew!":

-Tom Hiddleston hasn’t met me yet

-I actually turn into a werewolf at the full moon- it usually scares people away

-I’m super nerdy, neurotic, and am always under the impression whoever I’m talking to just wants me to shut up so they can go away

-Rabies

-Well, I am married, but my husband is an involuntary time traveler and actually won’t be born for another thousand years

-Thor is a fictional character

-Well, running a criminal empire means I have weird work hours- I’m usually pretty busy at night which makes it hard to date

-Good question!  What do you think?

-I only marry Russian billionaires with one foot in the grave

-Cillian Murphy’s already married

-If I told you, I’d have to kill you

-The wedding dress I wanted was waaaaaaaay too expensive, so I just called the wedding off

-I’m waiting for space travel to become more common so I can spend my actual honeymoon on the moon

I Watch Cowboy Movies When I’m Homesick.

I watch cowboy movies when I’m homesick.

This is for a couple of reasons.  My dad watches cowboy movies every time they are on TV.  He owns most, if not all, of John Wayne’s cowboy films, but never watches them on the DVDs or videos.  If there’s a western on while he’s flipping channels, he’ll stop.  Cowboy movies in the background on a Saturday afternoon is part of home to me.

Even remakes of classic westerns have good memories.  For example, when the True Grit remake came out, my brother and I went to see it opening day at 10am (it was Christmas Vacation).  We were the only people in there under 60, and that instantly was something we’d brag about for the rest of the break.  Plus, it was pretty fun to see another interpretation of a film we had grown up with.

Finally, I feel like they make me proud of my heritage as an American.  I don’t mean my ancestors were necessarily cowboys (I believe they were mostly the religious pioneers westerns tend to make fun of), but being an American automatically gives you claim to American mythology.  And when you see those stories with grizzled anti-heroes riding into a town to beat the bad guys, it gives me a little thrill of pride.  This is mythology that is uniquely American, yet enjoyed by the entire world.

I am currently flying back from a business trip to a foreign country, and on the way over there I watched the remake of The Magnificent 7.  It helped me with my homesickness. It reminded me of my dad and my brother, and happy Saturdays spent with family.  It gave me something I could claim as my own, even 30,000 feet over in the air and 6,000 miles away.

 I watch cowboy movies when I’m homesick.  And it really helps.

Introducing Captain Jack Sparrow

I want you to sit back, close your eyes, and remember.  Remember a very important point in your life.  Remember the way you felt when you first saw Captain Jack Sparrow.

It began as something epic, with Klaus Badelt’s music ("The Medallion Calls") overtaking all sound, Johnny Depp’s character standing straight on the top of a ship as he gazes into the distance, searching for adventure while the wind dramatically whips his hair...

Then he looks down, sees something that makes him take a rope and slide down to the ship, the camera following him, only to reveal that his vessel is not a grand pirate ship but a little water logged boat that desperately needs bailing, which Jack frantically begins to do.

He sees and charmingly salutes some dead pirates, then we cut to a few reactions from people at the dock, and the music swells majestically as Captain Jack is once again on the top of the boat, serenely sailing towards his destination.  Then we are once again let in onto the whole scene, and see that the boat is nearly completely underwater.  However, Jack doesn’t blink an eye and smoothly steps off of the sinking boat onto the dock, and despite the suaveness of the landing, begins walking in that now-famous drunken gait.

You guys.  SO much happening here, which set the absolute perfect tone of this film.

For one, you get the epic adventure.  Hollywood (and its audience) loves its adventure movies- from Errol Flynn’s pirates and Robin Hoods to Harrison Ford’s archaeologists and smugglers, larger than life characters and situations are important foundations in movies. 

But sometimes epic-ness, almost ironically, can get boring.  One of the problems of a foundation is that it can quickly become cliché.  However, just as we think, “Oh, another hero,” the tone quickly changes to show that “hero” is not the case.  We laugh as we see the problem- laugh because it is unexpected, laugh because it’s a funny situation, laugh because we realize this character is more human and therefore more relatable than we thought- and suddenly we are even more intrigued.  The epic foundation is suddenly fresh because it has something new built onto it.

This trick is played on us again, as Jack’s boat* sinks- we get yet another epic shot, and yet another shot of the problem- this time even worse, and we laugh harder.

The third time this happens- the smooth landing at the dock and then the ridiculous walk- we are completely hooked.  We love both epic and funny, and to see both in the same character in such a short time and in such a well done way easily sucked us in.

This pattern also shows us what to expect about Jack’s character- he often acts like he knows what he’s doing while making it up as he goes along, or acts like he has no clue while working on a very clever plan.  This complicated characterization is part of what made this story so interesting- you never knew what you were going to see next.  It was fresh, it was fun- 

And it was nothing short of awesome.

If you think this is the last entry about Pirates of the Caribbean, you have another thing coming.

*Yes, I’m aware it wasn’t technically Jack’s boat.  It was Anna Maria’s, and the name of it was The Jolly Mon.  I didn’t even have to look that up.

Who is the Basic Geek Girl?

Guys, I gotta tell you- I was surprised and definitely stoked to see there was no "Basic Geek Girl" title for a blogger out there.  (I mean, I Googled it and it didn't show up, so...)

Anyway, my name is Ashley, and I am a Basic Geek Girl.

What does that mean?  Well, I'm a geek- I love all the geeky shows, books, movies... and that is totally nothing special or new (hence the "basic" part).  Oh, also, I'm a girl.  Here's my face:

I am freaking out at the fact that I am standing next to the Winter Soldier costume from Captain America: Civil War.  If this picture doesn't describe Basic Geek Girl, I don't know what does.

My posts will mostly be about Geeky Stuff (Let's Analyze This Movie!  Have You Read This Book? This TV Show Has Ruined My Life, etc.), but there will also be some Basic Stuff (musings about photography, parties, and you'd better believe there will be a post about pumpkin spice sometime on here), and Personal Stuff (HA, I bet you thought I would say "Girl Stuff", but I am a girl and do not speak for all girls, so although this will be tagged as "Girl Stuff" to keep with the theme, it's really just my opinions and posts that don't fit into the first two categories.)

 I hope this turns out to be fun!  But, let's be real, it totally will be.